Sighhhh

This is my life, my opportunities,
So why the fuck do I let you do this to me?
All of this seems so new to me.
Cuz I was never the girl to let love get the best of me.
Now all of this shit seems like a test to me,
And I don't know how to make you see,
That I put in so much effort to be
The person that you wanted me to be.
They say that for every heart there is a key,
But you striped the lock and left me in misery.
And the saddest part is that I could foresee
That you just weren't the one for me.
And I still tried to the best of my ability
To make us work like symmetry.
And for my effort I've paid a fee,
Because you left me lonely.

Welcome (back) to my life....

A few majorish changes....and other shit....

-My boyfriend of nine months and I broke up a month ago. =[ Things happen, you know.
-I got a new job working at Fenway Park and the Boston Garden. =
-I got to meet Jojo White (late Celtic's great). He's a good guy....
Ummm....more that I can't remember right now, being that it's six in the morning and I haven't slept. I'm some what of an insomniac now.

Lately I've been learning who my real friends are. A few were unexpected, in a good way. I was glad to know that they had my back more than I had thought. I dig it. I dig it a lot. =]

I've been thinking about joining a movement to end youth violence. They are trying hard to recruit me, I just feel like I'm super busy. But I will do my best to find the time to squeeze it in. It IS something that is super meaningful to me.

A random party pic....well post-party // pre-after party LOL.
The three musketeers. Asier (my twin), Me (looking ugg!) and Robeezy (my right hand).

Latest Poetry - - Written Tonight - - far from one of my best

The mirror's having mood swings.
Cuz yesterday,
it told me I looked fine.
On Saturday it shook it's head,
and said I was wasting my time.
It pointed out the makeup,
like "girl, that's got to go;
your beauty is so natural,
let everybody know."
I contemplated quickly,
the time was damn near nine.
I flashed myself a smile,
and threw the blush aside.
I posed a couple times real quick,
I swear I saw a flash.
The mirror was my paparazzi,
I felt far from abashed.

The mirror's having mood swings.
Cuz today,
Today, was a different story.
It shouted hurtful words at me
and shot down all my glory.
It laughed at my new dress
and it hated on my thighs.
I swear I thought I heard it say
to invest in a disguise.
It usaully offered so much praise
for my shapely curves.
But today it suggested I get in shape
and tried to work my nerves.
The mirror said some things to me
that no one's ever said.
It made me feel self concious
and got inside my head.

The mirror's having mood swings.
And NOW, I know the problem.
The mirror's playing games with me,
So I think I'll play them back.
I'll contemplate an approach
and focus on my attack.
I'm gonna show that mirror,
exactly who is boss.
And when this game is over
it will be the mirror's loss.
One day Mrs. Mirror will wish
that she never played this game.
And everytime she looks at me
her reaction will be the same.
She will be so speechless
that all she will say is "wow".
The future looks so promising
but the time to start is now.

PS. Dyed my hair back to brunette!!! Peep!

Latest Poetry- Work in Progress

See, sometimes....I'd rather lean on this pen and this pad
then lean on your shoulder.
Cuz as the time moves on, it seems I get more older
and wiser then I was before.
But the expectations still weigh down on me like a boulder.
And although you say it doesn't even matter at all,
I can tell from your stare that you are wanting just a little bit more
than what I can provide you,
more than what you came to me for.
The stress and bullshit eats away at me slowly
til it exposes my core.
I'd love to be able to accept
your gracious gesture of kindness,
to help me get past what has been holding me back like a net.
In your mind though, I know you would be waiting for me
to pay back some sort of un-ending debt
that you feel I owe to you. But meanwhile,
see- I just want to live without regret.
Without having to constantly reflect on this present
that will soon be my past. But I can only do so if you let
ME handle what I need to do on my own without trying to

constantly help me be all set.


Me Circa 2004 lol!! Summer after Sophmore year of highschool! Wow!

New Poetry....Not bad for 3:30 in the AM

A little new poetry. Took me about twenty minutes. I'm sure it could use some fine-tuning. It's not dedicated to anyone in particular, or about anyone. Maybe just all the dudes and triflin females in my past that didn't deserve me/my friendship. But it's not that serious.


Untitled --> (This one may not make sense to you, but try)
Confusion and bullshit, lies and deception,
Misleading figures pushing me in the wrong directions.
False advertisements and fraudulent faces,
People keeping me from God's good graces.
Propaganda, forgery, high hopes for nothing,
A dozen royal flushes, yet everyone's bluffing.
Illusions and games, mind tricks and cons,
One minute your there and the next, your gone.
Deceit and friends who are all malicious,
Believing in words that turn out fictitious.

I took a left before I went right,
Out of mind, out of thought, out of sight.
The past is the past and the present's untold,
A new route's been taken, time to travel new roads.
Destiny's, prophecies, future uncertain,
All's well once the back mind has closed it's curtains.
Stories unwritten and uncharted land,
New experiences in the palm of my hand.
Learning and growing and living my life,
Leaving the hateful, the negative and trife.


Game Over

My mistakes and my downfalls were somehow your triumphs,
And despite the love I gave to you it never was enough.
You held me down for way too long, I never thought you would
Take advantage of my kindness just because you could.
Ain't no need for apologies, don't call me just because
You want to see if I'm still searching and looking for your love.
If you haven't heard from me and don't see me for a while,
Know that I've moved on somehow and no longer miss your smile.
And when you realize what you had, and what you threw away,
Remember that you had the choice, YOU left me in dismay.
See now I've found what I really lost; I found MYSELF and I,
I don't need your sorry ways, I found strength in your goodbye.
My life is moving upward and I've found my sanity,
I know in time that you will see that what you're missing now, is me.

FIRST POST AND THROWBACK OF THE WEEK!

Okay, this being my first post, let me say a few introductory words. First off, those of you who may have known me in high school or at Virginia Wesleyan College, I guarantee that you don't know me anymore. Don't believe me? Read about me! You'll be surprised. If you choose to continue reading any of this, I ask that you set forth with no preconceived notions of the person who produced this blog. My dude, Ozzy, talked me into starting one of these things, and I have to admit, I'm already enjoying it. I love words, I love to write, anything. It's something I'm really kind of getting back in touch with, so this is a good start to that.

As the first little "update" on my life, I would like to thank anyone who has been there for me in the past two months. The past two months have honestly been two of the most difficult months of my life. Whether you had any idea what I was going through behind the scenes or not (I pretty much kept things on the low), if you were one of the select few people that had a part in keeping me grounded recently, then I appreciate YOU!


THROW BACK OF THE WEEK! ::




Erykah Badu

"Next Lifetime"

Of the album Baduizm (1997)

If you don't know it.....LISTEN!

If you do.....REFRESH YOUR MEMORY!

And finally....a little light poetry I wrote.....


Symphony

I've created a sort of masterpiece from the depths within my mind,
It's sprung from inspiration that I never thought I'd find.
See, I can't explain the overflowing thoughts living in my head,
But it seems as though you may have woken a part of me once dead.
I never uttered maybe, someday, possibly, I could,
Instead I battled off the idea that inevitably I would.

I still can't seem to fathom how I started singing this new song,
But my heart is calmed in knowing that you're singing right along.
Now, I know my pitch is quite off key and my tempo is too slow,
But I know the lyrics by memory, every so, fa, me, rae, doe.
Your loyalty, trust, companionship and utter love for me,
Seem to fit so perfectly into our lovely symphony.

Take my hand, we'll dance along to the music that we make,
Please don't mind the audience, they thrive off our mistakes.
This may take some practice til the day it's all down pat,
And by then they will admire from the seats in which they've sat.
Don't expect acknowledgement, applause will never come,
For you and I are entertainers in a show that is never done.